OMG! I Can't Believe I've Turned 40

Well, I knew this day would come. I am officially the age my parents were when I was in high school. Or close enough anyway. I remember how out-of-touch I thought they were. Ugh! What an ugly mirror to look into. As I reminisce about the past as I frequently do on this perennial anniversary of my birth, I now have enough years under my belt that I have some perspective. Normally, I hate my birthday. Always have. There are plenty of pictures of a youthful me, sitting in front of a lit birthday cake - frowning. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing formally against birthdays I just don't always like being the center of attention. Too much and I'm like the cat you pet that gets overstimulated and runs away. But this year is different somehow. I am enjoying this day. And why?

Here's an eye-opening, mind-opening question to ask myself: What am I doing with what I've got? Instead of crying over what I don't have, and wishing my life were different, what am I doing with what I've got?

Am I so sure I'm doing everything possible to make my life a success? Am I using my capabilities well? Do I recognize and appreciate all I have to be grateful for?

When I build on this precious foundation of present, tangible good, things will continue to change for the better.

Two things happened this morning that have already made this day perfect no matter what else happens. My daughter woke up early which is a treat so I got to see her before I left. She called out "Daddy" and ran down the hall where I promptly hugged her and kissed her head-to-toe. My wife (who is a better writer than I) wrote in my birthday card:

They climb ladders
They rescue

They march for matters

They help you

They have halos that glow

They save your soul

They ride horses

They drive cars with flashing lights

They protect us day and night

They remove tumors and restore sight to blind

They save lives

They ask educated questions during sessions

They cure the mind

They are firemen, police, angels, doctors

They are heros

Without a ladder, gun or knife

You healed my soul, mind, sight and saved my life

You are my hero

I can see your halo

Yep, maybe 40 isn't all that bad.

The Intrinsic Value of Work

Whomever said, "Love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life" never had to worry about making a living doing it! Or about liability insurance, et al. I joke of course, the philosophy of making the most of your life is most noble. My thoughts are scattered today. I've been following and researching a number of trends online and must be suffering from overload. Of late, I've been watching some interviews with Dr. Temple Grandin. And I've been thinking a lot about sustainability at all levels of life. What does it really mean?

My wife and I have discussions about how we'd just like to be comfortable. That means to us not financially independent but having enough to cover our needs and maybe a little extra left over. Unfortunately, that means we have to work - I work in marketing and my wife works taking care of the house and little Chloe. But how to live within the means of what you love? Therein is the rub eh?

I really think the trick is in knowing when to stop. What is the optimal level that we have to produce (job, industry, agriculture) that we have enough? In my communications classes in college I was a huge fan of Chaos Theory. While this topic can be rather large and unwieldy, the basic premise is that life cannot exist in a state of equilibrium. It has to be in a constant state of change. For the beautiful pond - flat as a mirror - to exist in that state, the duck has to land causing ripples - that fade...

I have a good friend from high school that is the poster child for REI. Every once in awhile we get together and have the 'grass is greener' conversation. He is married and they are outdoor enthusiasts and make (at the time) maybe $15,000 a year between the both of them. No kids, no mortgage, no responsibility. How I envied his freewheeling lifestyle. He'd roll into town and talk about kayaking down waterfalls in South America for months! Can you imagine? And all the while he would envy my stability, my state of equilibrium.

Thanks to Chaos Theory, there will always be differences. There will always be small, sustainable, responsible businesses. There will always be large, profitable, strategic corporations. Like the Chinese proverb says, "O man, you who do not live a hundred years, why fret a thousand minutes?"

You Can Go Home Again

This weekend my wife, daughter and I went back to the town where I grew up. This weekend was our town's festival called Old Settler's Days - aptly named. The town slogan is "Home of the Proud Prairie People" and was coined in a contest by my paternal grandmother's brother.

My wife and I on Main St, Toulon, IL

We've made a new tradition every year by going back home to represent our family's float in the parade. Our float theme is "Sowin' Oats Since 1936." Dad started the tradition to honor his father and anybody that happens to be in town that weekend, is fair game to participate in the float. Personally, I think the concept is genius. We tow the original high-wheel wagon that my great-grandfather bought for the farm back in 1916. Dad even has the receipt for it. It is outfitted with an end-gate seeder and we pull it with a 1936 John Deere 'B'.

The part I love is the orchestration of tom-foolery that we stumbled upon by accident. The person sitting on the buckboard throws candy to the eager, adoring fans. (Nice you can still do that in a small town, try throwing candy from a float in an urban city and see what happens!) As they scramble to fill buckets and bags with the loot, the wagon passes by seeding oats along the parade route. You should see the stunned looks on the kids' faces as the oats come flinging out, pelting them like invisible missiles. Their flailing arms as they try to get out of the path like when you accidentally step on a bees' nest. Makes me LOL every time!

The part I also enjoy is seeing faces in the crowd of people I know. Everybody's so much older and so the features are more distorted. My recollection of names isn't so good. If I get a chance to actually visit with anybody, the interaction is one of genuine interest, friendship and awe. I haven't been home for 17 years and now as adults, it is so interesting to hear what people actually thought of you back then. I have always been pleasantly surprised by my colleagues impressions of me and honored to have been a part of their life as they have mine. We all had our cliques right? “You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But, what we found out is that each one of us is: a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal.”

The Values of a Lifetime

This weekend we took our 20-month old daughter Chloe to Brookfield Zoo. We've made a habit to do this every year, starting with when she was in the womb. Regardless of whether or not you agree with the social ramifications of animals in captivity, you have to agree that to a child, it's pretty cool. Where else can you be exposed to the wonders of animal life on this planet?

Well, it dawned on me that exposing our daughter to the family farm from day one helps. We have our own zoo at home - 2 dogs and 2 cats that are a constant source of wonder and laughter for her. Whenever we visit Mom and Dad we always have to go say hi to the cows. At the zoo, the petting zoo was a HUGE hit. Chloe has no fear to get in the pen and mix it up with the goats. She was fascinated by the chickens and wanted desperately to pet one. The dairy cows they had there would low occasionally to which my daughter replied "cow". So she knows.

I am most thankful to my wife, who is about as city as you can get, to embracing those rural roots and helping to instill these values in our daughter. She has warmly embraced the romanticized emotions of rural life that we all have come to cherish. Our daughter will no doubt grow up with a love of animals, the outdoors and hopefully farm life.

One Day at a Time Saved My Life

My wife is an alcoholic. Or, I should more accurately state she is a recovering alcoholic. There is a big difference. Six months ago I would not have been able to write this. Six months ago, as the saying goes, my life had become unmanageable. My biggest resentment is always, "Why did this have to happen to us?"

I had a spiritual awakening probably 10 years ago. What I learned then is that the greatest gift we have been given from God is that the only thing we are in control of is how we choose to feel about what happens to us in life. The ol' when life gives you lemons philosophy. And that only you are in control of your emotions. My wife can't make me mad any more than she can make me have a headache.

Well, I must have forgotten some things along the way. Thank God I keep messing up so I can continue to learn. It is interesting that the lesson plan God has picked out for you continues to make itself known throughout your life.

One Day at a Time. Very powerful if you can sit back and practice what you preach! It has saved my life. I guess ultimately I am thankful this happened to me. It has taught me what is really important, what my shortcomings are and how I can continue to be happy the rest of my days.

Making Sweet Music Til The Ends

My wife and I went out with friends this past weekend. The husband and I share a similar musical background and our conversation bent its way towards gear - of course. It got me to thinking about my favorite guitar I ever owned, a '75 Gibson Les Paul Deluxe. As any gear aficionado will tell you it's not the top of the line. But what made that guitar great was the 30+ years of sweat and dirt steeped into that mahogany and oxidized electronics. You could just plug it in and stand there and it would emanate a hushed tone like the whisper of history.

It got me to thinking about mortality and progression. We've all heard in Japanese culture that elders are revered for their knowledge. In this country not so much. How come inanimate objects get fonder with the passage of time but not people? At least objects like musical instruments are continuously used and manipulated to constantly produce beautiful music. Am I continuously used? Am I engaging my brain in ways that make me valuable over time? So that I am discussed in hushed tones with the respect of a Stradivarious and the people around me become inspired to be all that they can.